Slaying the Dragon that is Trauma Series: Am I in an Abusive Relationship?

Aug 20

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Recognizing the Signs of Intimate Partner Violence: A Guide for Survivors Seeking Healing

When you think of intimate partner violence or domestic violence, you probably think of more extreme cases of physical assault resulting in a visible injury, but truth is it has multiple layers. Domestic abuse and intimate partner violence can be aggression or abuse within a romantic relationship. It can always vary in what happens, how frequent and how severe it is but nonetheless it's terrible to endure.

I want you to consider questions you may have asked yourself when it comes to someone you're in a relationship with. Have you ever thought that your partner seems to isolate you from your friends and family? Have you ever changed your own behavior because you are scared of what your partner may say or do? Has your partner ever held things over your head such as your possessions, your hobbies, your medical conditions, etc.? There are many different types of abusive and controlling behaviors — from coercive control to emotional abuse — and I want you to be mindful of some of them.

I want to go over a list of types of intimate partner violence and give information because some people do not view what occurs as "violence" because they don't have bruises or they have gotten used to it.

Verbal and emotional abuse — making threats towards you, your loved ones or towards themselves, putting down the person by making them feel insignificant, playing mind games and calling names.
Economic abuse — preventing a person from getting a job, taking any money they receive or making you ask for money.
Physical abuse — hurting another person by hitting, kicking or using another type of physical force.
Stalking — repeated pattern of unwanted attention and contact by the partner that may cause you fear or concern for your safety.
Sexual abuse — attempting to or forcing a partner to take part in a sexual act that they do not consent to.

Throughout the United States, the CDC reports that about 41% of women and 26% of men experience one of these types of intimate partner violence during their lifetime. When it comes to experiencing domestic violence, there could be fear for your safety, injury, mental health symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD, needing assistance from law enforcement or being afraid to report to law enforcement, and missing school or work due to the violence.

If you are in this situation, I want you to know that there is a way out. The road might be rocky and there may be some obstacles to overcome, but the path can become clear with the right support and trauma-informed care. To prevent and protect yourself, if you notice any of these red flags of abuse from a partner, take time to process what is happening and ask yourself questions. Most victims of domestic violence I know feel that the cycle will stop or at least slow down, but you never know what may occur and your safety is your top priority.

If you could write a letter to your younger self, what would YOU say? What advice would you give when it comes to experiences you may have witnessed or experienced, would you speak to a safe person about what is happening? It is okay to forgive yourself and start healing from abuse.

If you are experiencing any of these types of abuse, I want you to know that you are not alone and there are resources out there for you to assist in helping you overcome your struggles. Domestic violence counseling and trauma therapy for abuse survivors can help you process what you've been through and reclaim your life. I listed below some of the local resources that I recommend if you are in this situation.

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For 24/7 support, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 800-799-7233 or text 'START' to 88788.

If you're ready to take steps toward safety, healing, and reclaiming your sense of self through domestic abuse counseling and trauma therapy, I'd be honored to support you. Reach out to Lexi Eller, LCSW-S at lexi@emberlighthousewellness.com or text/call 972-333-3870 to schedule an appointment.

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