What is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
I'm Lexi Eller, LCSW-S — trauma therapist and owner of Ember & Lighthouse Wellness in Waxahachie, TX, serving clients in person and virtually throughout Texas. My practice specializes in trauma therapy for first responders, veterans, and trauma survivors, and I use a range of trauma-focused approaches including EMDR, Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), DBT, IFS, and a person-centered approach.
My path here wasn't a straight line. I came up working with incarcerated and probation individuals, government entities, victims of sexual assault and domestic violence, folks navigating substance abuse, and people carrying complex trauma and PTSD. I've been a responder on scene with police and fire, so I understand the job-related trauma exposure that comes with that world. After seeing the lack of resources out there and the dark realities of the field, I got passionate about being a helping hand — especially for firefighters, law enforcement, EMS, dispatchers, corrections officers, veterans, and federal agents who are used to handling it all themselves. I welcome the gallows humor and the unique ways people in these spaces process stress.
So when I sit across from someone, I'm not just bringing textbooks. I'm bringing all of that.
One of the modalities I lean on a lot is Internal Family Systems Therapy, or IFS. It's a type of trauma-focused therapy I use often when helping people work through anxiety, depression, and traumatic experiences that trace back to childhood trauma.
What Is IFS Therapy?
IFS is a form of psychotherapy developed by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz in the 1980s. The core idea is that our minds are made up of distinct "parts" — each with its own perspective, its own memories, and its own role. Think of them as internal sub-personalities or inner voices that interact with each other, sometimes in harmony and sometimes in conflict. (1)
Here's what I love about it: as Paul Ginter (3) puts it, these parts are not inherently bad or wrong. They formed as adaptive responses to the challenges and traumas life has thrown at us. IFS sees every part as having a positive intention — even when the way it shows up looks dysfunctional or maladaptive from the outside. There are three main types of parts, each with its own purpose and goal — all of them trying to protect you, even when the behavior looks destructive to someone else.
The Three Main Parts in IFS (3)
Exiles: These are the parts that hold painful emotions, memories, or experiences — often tied to past trauma. They tend to get pushed away and suppressed to keep you from feeling that distress.
Managers: These parts try to run your life in a way that keeps the exiles from getting triggered. Their aim is to keep you safe, but they can become overbearing or perfectionistic in the process.
Firefighters: These are the reactive parts that rush in when an exile gets triggered, often using impulsive or destructive behaviors — like substance abuse or anger — to distract from the pain.
The Self: Your Core
And at the center of all of it is what IFS calls the Self — your core, that wise and compassionate sense of who you are. The Self is the part capable of leading and healing the others, bringing them into balance and helping them work together more harmoniously.
Think Inside Out
If you've seen the Inside Out movies, you already have a feel for this. Riley is the little girl whose emotions and thoughts play out in full view — she's got this inner motherboard of parts, each feeling and reacting to the circumstances she runs into at her young age. After watching those films, you really see the significance of self-compassion and of understanding emotional challenges in a supportive environment. Same concept applies to IFS therapy.
How IFS Therapy Can Help
If you — or someone you love — is struggling with anxiety, depression, or recurring trauma responses from childhood experiences, a therapist trained in IFS therapy can help you identify, understand, and work through healing the different parts of yourself. We do that through dialogue with each part, building trust with them, and letting the Self step into a leadership role. Together, therapist and client work to understand each part's role and perspective, heal the wounds the exiles carry, and create more harmony and balance within. (2)
If you're interested in learning about IFS therapy and doing some inner child work, reach out to me at Ember & Lighthouse Wellness in Waxahachie, TX — serving Ellis County, the DFW area, and clients throughout Texas both in person and virtually. Let's talk through how IFS therapy can support your journey of self-discovery and compassion.
Dark humor is welcome here. Swearing is welcome here. Skepticism is welcome here. Ask me anything, push back, bring it on. Just also be okay with laughing, because therapy should be fun. Yes, fun. Even when it's heavy.
— Lexi Eller, LCSW-S
Ember & Lighthouse Wellness | Waxahachie, TX
Trauma Therapy • First Responders • Veterans • EMDR • ART • Texas
References:
https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/these-parts-will-fight-end-protect-you
Internal Family Systems (IFS): Development, Application and Transformational Model to Effectively Help Clients Improve Well-Being. Paul Ginter, Ed.D. 2020.